A Flawed Diamond
by Orangeblossom Took1
Summary: After LOTR. Pippin and Diamond are married and trying to have a child. Diamond has a terrible secret from the time of the scouring she won't tell Pippin about.
1. A Flawed Diamond 1

Flawed Diamond 1: A long-kept secret The Shire 1428 (summer)  
  
The young wife of the Took heir tossed in her sleep and visions of events from the invasion years earlier tormented her sleeping mind.  
  
"Diamond," Pippin whispered, "What is wrong, sweetheart? You are crying. Please wake up."  
  
Her husband's gentle hand stroked her damp cheek. She snuggled closer to him and, although the night was warm, shivered in his arms. "It was just a nightmare, Pippin-love. I am sorry to have woken you."  
  
Pippin kissed her on her forehead and said, "It is alight, sweeting. I have troubled you with enough of my own bad dreams."  
  
Diamond relaxed slightly and waited until Pippin's breathing became deep and even before letting silent tears glide downs her cheeks. She did not sleep but gazed blankly at the moonlight and let old fears and new ones worry her brain like rats. "I can not tell him. He went through so much during his quest and now he has Paladin's failing health to concern him," she thought. A scolding inner voice admonished her further, "And you have neglected telling him this long, anyway. He would surely turn away from you in disgust if you told him now." Diamond had to struggle to swallow the sobs in her throat and it was a long time before sleep reclaimed her and the dreams returned.  
  
When Diamond awoke, the sun was bright in the sky and, with great harshness, revealed the bruise-like purple hollows under her eyes and her slightly sunken cheeks. A cheerful-seeming but obviously worried Pippin came in bearing a tray of breakfast.  
  
"I am sorry to cause you so much trouble and worry, dearest," she said.  
  
Pippin smiled at her and said, "It is no trouble, my jewel." He looked at her face with barely concealed alarm, stifled a gasp, sat on the bed next to her, and said, "I think I really need to call the healer. I won't take any chances with your health, especially now."  
  
Diamond unconsciously stroked her pregnant belly. This was their second attempt at a child. Her first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. She almost told Pippin then but in the end, kept her secret. She was rather far along now but it was not going well. However, she was determined to hold onto this baby. "It is no wonder I have old wounds coming to the surface when I am in this state," she thought. She looked at her husband and said, "Yes. You are right as always, beloved. Please also send for my friend Rosemary. I need her company." 


	2. A Flawed Diamond 2

A Flawed Diamond 2: An old pain remembered The Shire 1428 (summer)  
  
On the day Rosemary, who had become a dear friend to Diamond, arrived from Hobbiton Diamond was sitting on a chair in the shade while a worried Pippin brought her fresh fruit, cheese, and cool water. The day was warm, the last and greatest of the heat of that summer, and Diamond's brown curls were plastered to her forehead but, as long as her supply of water was replenished, she didn't mind. The soft heat felt like a comforting blanket and intensified the scent of the mint and roses from the garden.  
  
Diamond's golden eyes were closed and terrible memories were flashing on the inside of her eyelids, scenes from the invasion. A small group of hobbits were standing before a group of shirrifs and ruffian big people who had overrun the Shire. Two other lasses were sobbing but the smallest lass looked at the chief ruffian with defiant gold eyes. Those same eyes, nine years older, squeezed tight in an effort to block out what happened next. "Twenty-four," she thought, "I was only twenty-four, barely into my tweens."  
  
"Diamond," she heard Pippin's voice call as if from far away, "Rosemary is here, dearest, and she brought her daughter with her. Are you feeling any better?"  
  
She looked up and saw Pippin had a full water pitcher, a bowl of plums, and some bread and cheese. She answered him with a lie, "I am feeling a little better, Pippin-love. Please tell them I would love to see them. Also, would you bring me my drawing supplies? I would like to do something with my hands instead of laying here like a pregnant bump on a log."  
  
Pippin smiled but was concerned, "The healer said you shouldn't exert yourself. Are you sure that is wise? I know you love drawing but it does take some effort."  
  
"Don't worry dear," she replied, "I will stop if I get too tired."  
  
Pippin came back with Rosemary, Iris, and Diamond's art supplies and, knowing his wife was in capable hands, he went to attend to some business for his father. Diamond hoped her husband would return soon but not before giving her a chance to talk to Rosemary. Rosemary was eleven years older than Diamond and had a calm, peaceful presence the younger hobbit-woman found very pleasing. However, little Iris' solemn manner and luminous eyes gave Rosemary's secret away to anyone with eyes to see. Most hobbits chose to be blind to the truth of Iris' parentage and their lot would have been worse if the Mayor, the Thain's son, and the son of the Master of Buckland hadn't made it clear Rosemary and her child should be treated well.  
  
They talked of small, friendly matters like the beautiful summer that was ending and the small doings of acquaintances. Rosemary was the first to delve into deeper waters. She looked at Diamond with sad eyes and said, "Iris and I will be traveling to the Havens soon. May I take one of your white roses."'  
  
Every year on Frodo's birthday, Rosemary put a white rose into the sea and willed it to travel west. Diamond knew it caused Rosemary pain to speak of Frodo so she simply said, "Of course you may. You are very kind to have come and may have one of my roses this year and for all the years to come."  
  
Rosemary looked at the younger woman, frowned, and said, "I can see more is wearing on you than being with child, Diamond. I am sorry for it. Do you want to tell me what is troubling you?"  
  
Diamond, her voice quivering, asked, "Do you remember 1419?" She meant to continue but it felt like her throat was being squeezed shut and the memories continued to come back.  
  
In her mind it was 1419. The frightening -looking big person pointed to her and said, "I think these miserable halflings need a object lesson. Bring me that one." She could almost feel herself being grabbed by rough hands.  
  
In the present, she heard Rosemary scream her name. She could feel something tearing inside her and toppled forward out of her chair. He last conscious thought was, "I made poor Pip bring out my art things and I didn't even use them." 


	3. A Flawed Diamond 3

Flawed Diamond Menu 

A Flawed Diamond 3: Damage

The Shire 1428 (summer) 

After the healer had gone and the stars were beginning to come out the next day, Diamond lay in her bed and watched the shadows deepen. A miscarriage at five months along was not a minor matter, either to her heart or her body. Rosemary held cloth damp with cool water on her forehead and a tearful Pippin was holding her hand with great tenderness. 

Iris, a gentle and well-behaved six-year old, brought in a large bouquet of white roses from the garden for her and said, "Don't be sad, Aunt Diamond. Mama says the baby is over the sea in the West. Da and the elves will take care of her." 

Rosemary blushed to be caught in telling her child this bit of fantasy and looked at Diamond with a wordless apology before she turned to the little girl and said, "Now, sweetheart. Aunt Diamond probably needs to rest. I trust she will call if she needs us. Also, you need to get ready for bed." 

A somewhat chastened Iris replied, "Yes, Mama. Goodnight Aunt Diamond and Uncle Pip." 

Diamond barely whispered a goodnight to Rosemary and her child and found herself alone with her husband. She let sobs wrack her body while Pippin held her. 

"Oh, Diamond," he whispered, "I am sorry. Anything I can do for you, I will. I will never leave you." 

She sobbed her reply, "I am the one who should be sorry, Pip. I am a poor wife for the Took heir and flawed beyond repair." 

Pippin stroked her hair and said, "Never say such things, dearest. You are a wonderful wife and the only one I want." 

Diamond got her voice under control and said, "I have a secret. You have always been open with me but I didn't dare tell you. I thought that, if I did, you would discard me." 

He held her even closer and said, "Surely you think better of me than that, Diamond. I know that, whatever it is, it was not your fault and could not diminish my love for you. Don't let it worry you now. You should rest." 

With quiet determination she said, "I want to tell you now, dear husband. If I wait the moment will pass and I will find new reasons to avoid telling this story." Without giving him enough time to reply or object, she took a deep breath and began her tale, "Pippin, you know I haven't spoken of what happed to me during the occupation. Mother's smial was small, remote, and easy to conceal. We got news of the invasion in time to make sure we wouldn't be spotted easily. Mother begged me to stay hidden with her." 

Pippin rocked her a little and said, "But you didn't, my brave girl." 

"Not so brave," she said ruefully," and no, I didn't. It surprised mother because I was never an adventuresome lass and always stuck close to her but the Shire was in trouble and I thought I could help. Along with some other foolhardy young hobbits from Tookland, I attempted a raid on a group of the enemy. We were pathetically outnumbered but everyone managed to escape except for me." 

Pippin had seen war and hated to think of his wife in even a small skirmish. He also knew the nature of those who had overrun the Shire and the thought of Diamond in their clutches made his hands itch for his sword. "You don't have to continue if you don't want to, my love," he said. 

She shook her head and said, "I will finish the story. I was brought before Sharkey, who decided to single me out for special punishment, and was flogged before he gave me to worm. The next morning, they dumped me on the borders of Tookland as a warning to any other hobbits who might defy the occupation. I was barely able to make it home." 

A terrible anger gripped Pippin. He held her close and, in a voice that was much gentler than he felt, he said, "None of that was your fault. You are stronger than you look, little wife, to survive that. If I had known, even Frodo would not have stayed my hand. Now, you should sleep. I am here and won't let anyone hurt you." 

Diamond relaxed into his arms and went to sleep. The scent of the white roses was surprisingly strong and perfumed the air of the room, soothing her as she fell into a deep and healing sleep.


	4. A Flawed Diamond 4

A Flawed Diamond 4: Connections The Shire 1428 (late summer-early fall)  
  
Rosemary and Iris stayed until it was time for them to leave on their annual trek to the Havens. Diamond was glad to have the female company and the help around the house they offered but she couldn't help feeling a little sad when she looked at Iris and thought about what might have been. However, the attentions of her husband and friend helped her to recall that happiness and joy might still be possible.  
  
Despite her loss, she felt as if she had been relieved of a great pressure. Pippin knew her secret and would not leave her. He spent every spare moment with her and brought her little gifts and made sure she had the food and herbal infusions recommended by the healer. He also talked with her for hours and that was the best medicine.  
  
He put bouquets of the white roses by her bed every night and once, when the moon was brilliant and as round as an apple, she thought they gave off a faint glow. They stayed fresh for a long time and were obviously special roses. She resolved to remember to ask Pippin about their origin.  
  
When she asked him he smiled and said, "Belladonna Took brought them back from an adventure. It is something of a Took secret and a long tale, dear wife."  
  
Her eyes glittered in anticipation of an interesting tale and she replied, "Go ahead, Pippin-love. I would love to hear it."  
  
He told her of how Belladonna, when she was a hobbit-lass barely in her tweens, went on an adventure with Gandalf and bought back a cutting of these roses from Rivendell. "She was an artist like you. The portraits of the Old Took and his children that you see around the smial are her work."  
  
Later, Diamond took her inks, paints, and other art supplies out to the garden. Rosemary and Iris joined her there for tea and Diamond sketched them. She would have a finished portrait for them by the time they got back to the Shire. They were lovely subjects and she felt it was somehow important to capture their image on canvas.  
  
On the first crisp morning of the new autumn season, she and Pippin bid them farewell. Watching them go, Diamond knew two things with certainty: she would draw more pictures of Rosemary and Iris and, one day, she would have a child of her own.  
  
************************************  
  
Epilogue: a new promise The Shire 1430 (early spring)  
  
On a fresh-scrubbed spring day that sparkled like an opal, Diamond watched her husband hold their newborn son. Pippin had been far more worried over this pregnancy than she had. She knew from the beginning that she would carry the baby to term safely. She smiled and asked, "What do you think we should name him, Pip?"  
  
Pippin, weak with relief and happiness answered, "I would like to name him Faramir. Is that okay, dearest?"  
  
Diamond smiled and said, "Of course it is." 


End file.
